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Cpt Crapper
12:57 pm | May 29, 2003
I'll keep that in mind guys...
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Havok
2:29 am | May 29, 2003
Mr. Crapper, i would take heed of Alpha's advice. you do what he says, and you will be a top notch writer for sure. you got killer ideas, and more descriptive words will make it happen
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AlphaBravo343
4:05 pm | May 28, 2003
Pretty good, some of the writing was a little shaky. You mentioned the same word in the same sentence on two occasions. Try enriching the vocabulary you use in your stories, it makes more of a difference than most people think. 8.5/10
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Anonymous
2:06 pm | May 28, 2003
not bad, but the dialogue could be improved. "I'm falling! Nooo!" strikes me as especially lame.
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scope
1:26 pm | May 28, 2003
8.5/10 I like it but a new line everytime someone talks.
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