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Comments for 'Battle for Tectron: Chapter 2-A Helljumper's story part 2' |
Thomas Harper
11:55 pm | January 15, 2004
great story but you should berak up the sentences more, its to choppy and ir gets tiring to read. also i no that u already no this but whatch out for all the He[s].
8/10
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teemus
12:36 pm | December 19, 2003
Once again youve done it again. This story was just as good as the second. I cant wait till the third.
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Helljumper
6:13 am | December 19, 2003
thanks for all the feed back, that funny thing is that as i was writing it i was notcing that i was using He a lot, but i couldn't figure out how not to. I'm working on it, this is a learning experience. I just want to entertain you guys with my story. thanx foreverything and keep them coming. part three shouldbe up real soon
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Mainevent
4:52 am | December 19, 2003
One of the marines was hit by a plasma bolt and fell to the ground dead. The other two began running down the street and turned the corner. Marcus ran to the back door that he had first entered. (He) unlocked the door and dashed out into the alley. (He) saw the Marines run pass the alley. (He) ran to join up with them. (He) exited the alley and was now running behind the two marines. Plasma blasts hit a wall next to Marcus. (He) stopped knelt and fired at the Elite that had fired at him. The Elite's shields fluttered from the contact with bullets but soon gave out.
It was a good story in general. Not great, but you'll evolve.
The () I put there should pull your attention to all of the He's you began your sentences with. While reading it, I just felt the numerous amount of them took away from it. I didn't have the emotional connection I probably should have.
Other sentences just didn't have enough description in it for me. You don't have to have a ton, but some wouldn't hurt.
All in all a medium-good read. I'm interested to see how you progress. Keep it up.
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SOS.Odin
9:36 pm | December 18, 2003
lookin forward to it
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Helljumper
7:25 pm | December 18, 2003
thanks guys, seeing as i'm just learning this, chapter 3 of my series that i already submitted won't have indents or bold. I promise you guys that chapter 4 will have
thanx a lot
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Awacar
5:33 pm | December 18, 2003
Pseduocode:
Put a [b] before a text and a [/b] after it to make it bold, ex: "I'm getting [b]really[/b] pissed at the flood!"
Do the same when you want to write a text in italics, just exchange the b for an i, ex:
"[i]Can the Flood feel pain?[/i]" I wondered silently when playing through the library.
To make a paragraph indent, just put an [indent] before the text. (Before, do not hit return, if you do, the paragraph indent will be invisible at the line [b]above[/b] the paragraph)
If you want a horizontal rule, place [hr] at a line of its own. If you doesn't want it very badly, you dont have to hit return after the horizontal rule, appropriate spaces are fixed automaticly.
That's all the pseduocode that is available. But last of all, carefully check your previewed submission, if you've made any mistakes, the pseduocode itself will be visible, if you haven't, only the effects of it will be visible.
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Helljumper
5:39 am | December 18, 2003
wats the psuedocode, let me know, i wanta make my writing better
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SOS.Odin
4:25 am | December 18, 2003
use the psuedocode buddy
a lot of people are turned off by giant blocks of text
but i read it regardless
good job
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Jaywhit10
11:26 pm | December 17, 2003
Nice story, I liked it quite a lot. Damned flak cannons eh?. I enjoyed it quite a lot, I can wait for the next part. Good job, few mistakes but we all have them. Nice work, keep it up
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