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Comments for 'Together we Stand' |
Walker
11:35 pm | December 21, 2003
Only so-so in terms of writing. 7/10.
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Awacar
8:50 pm | December 21, 2003
I liked it, it sure had some basic flaws, like spelling, but I liked this one. The rhyme schedule shifted, but that's okay with me. It was something with the sentences that glued me to them.
Sorry, but I cant put a higher score than 77% here.
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teemus
8:21 pm | December 21, 2003
Yea...im not much of a poet though. Thanks for the addvice anyway. CovieKilla, you werent harsh.
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CovieKilla
6:49 pm | December 21, 2003
Thanks for the quote CoLd lol...Yeah, well teemus it was a good try, but i just got sick of it after the second verse...sorry, i dont like being harsh or anything on this. It was a good effort, keep trying to write, im sure you'll write a great one eventually. 6/10.
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Alpha Lance
5:57 pm | December 21, 2003
Umm.....didn't quit get it. Some of the line was kinda too long and not even with others, sure, it didn't rhyme much. But it was okay. Now, what you need to do is use more synonyms. That is the main thing in poetry, synonyms. But I have to give you a 7/10. Try again, but you will get better as you go along. But here is more advice. Take the poem, put it down, read over, change the words alittle, than when you think you got a masterpiece, submit it. Also, you had a spelling error in it I believe. Well good luck next time.
-Alpha Lance
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CoLd BlooDed
4:48 pm | December 21, 2003
It was better then your last one, thats for sure.
Something was missing though, and as CovieKilla says "I just can't put my finger on it."
And yes, you will have to concentrate more on making the lines make more sense or have more of a connection with the rhyme before. But good effort, better poem, I give it a 7.9/10.
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