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Comments for 'ES06 - Eternal Sunder (part 06): 900,000 Years Ago' |
Jink
10:36 pm | January 3, 2004
Yes, I'm particularly happy about it - no not that kind of genuine happy where I get too much into it - just glad to be back and writing again. Finally!
Kyle, I'll be looking for yours as well. Cheers!
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Wado
1:16 am | January 3, 2004
That's excellent Kyle
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Kyle
7:09 pm | January 1, 2004
I'm coming up with new writing ideas too! I just finished chapter 3 of Legacy of the Spartan 3s, and chapter 4 is on the way. After a long delay, my fan fic is back on track.
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Jink
12:51 pm | January 1, 2004
Speaking of writing here, I plan to unveil my newest project! . . .
Okay, here goes...
I finally stopped my brain farting and generated ideas for something new. Here's what I came up with, sue me if you dislike my methods of advertisement:
Hellborn (Interestingly titled Devil May Die - A funny little spoof name that wasn't that funny - before I changed it) Part 01. If you can take Halo, mix in the Apocalypse and A Gothic Revolution with the feeling of Devil May Cry, you can imagine what I'm starting here.
Anyway, I'm coming around to writing again. Look for this title and perhaps Final Fate 2 soon, along with another series in the near future, followed by Fnal Fate 3, and evenually Final Fate 4. (Thought I might annoy someone). Cheers.
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The One and Only Caught by Writer's Block Jink
12:02 pm | January 1, 2004
Such grand work, but I'll stop being a suck-up and get to the point.
I am struggling to understand what exactly happened to The Lady and how. It caught me by surprise, rather abruptly, and threw me of entirely. I almost forgot why I was sitting at the computer and nearly left to play Devil May Cry (Such a FUN game). Anyway, I would appreciate an explanation, if you would be so kind.
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Wado
7:27 am | January 1, 2004
Happy New Year!
Jink, glad you are coming up with more writing ideas. Sounds good to me.
Oh and to answer your question about what happened to the Lady in the story. She was cut by one of the Invisible Bloodguard. Their daggers were poisoned so just a cut was all it took.
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Nike
2:24 am | December 31, 2003
Damned perfect, as always Wado. 10/10
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Wado
8:57 pm | December 28, 2003
Thanks again for the comments.
Berconius, thanks for the detailed comment and even with you being short on time. Much appreciated. So I need less narative than I did in this chapter. That makes sense.
The quandary I had writing this chapter came in that I wanted to show that the group arrived in the middle of something, something much bigger than them and before they even could take a breath they were in over their heads.
The whole chapter was focused on raw savage actions. From the killing of Praetorians with bare hands and with rocks, smashing through their shields, to the Princess Kira transforming to an animal state for combat. The act first, ask questions later.
Hopefully I left the reader wanting more and seeking answers to the questions brought up in this chapter.
Oh and not to get too lengthy here but the Archons have always acted on emotion and instinct. It is the nature of their ways. Nothing changed here. Logic is only applied to Archons when someone else uses logic to try to explain why an Archon did what the did. Logic is a foreign concept to Archons. How they function as a space-faring sentient race is a bit of a mystery to others but not the Archons because they do not question it, it is just natural for them to do so.
Thanks again for the comments.
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Berconius
8:03 pm | December 28, 2003
We are all so busy...me included. I actually found this story to not be confusing to any significant extent. I have to say that the poisoning of the Lady seeemd a bit lacking in explanaation but that's pretty minor. Also, the entrance into combat seemed to lack a bit in detail. There was no mention of the progression of the Praetorians after the cloud of dust and John's speculation of their armament; they just kind of started attacking from no where.
It also seeems a little bit trite...I mean, it's not like there's much else that can be done giving how everything thus far has been right on with the setting (Archons hate Nomdians, warring factions, etc.) but I mean, saving your enemy because of attachment to their friends + cutting a deal that will invariably bring them all closer together...it's like you're creating one hell of an allegory out of this piece with Kira acting ENTIRELY on emotions and the other characters following her like loyal minions... bit extreme.
You also appear to be rushing the story a teeeny bit. There was no explanation of Kira's mentality for the most part. Everything was told using narrative and, to some extent, John's point of view. This isn't a bad thing, just that you are using lots of narrative at the same time as opposed to focusing on his point of view and explaining it...which gives a bit of a rushed feeling.
Battle scenes are good, they move smoothly and not too fast. Clearly, they aren't the singular focus of your piece but they're still well done.
Nice work all around, 97/100
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Alpha Lance
12:00 pm | December 28, 2003
Like always, 10/10. And yeah, it is a bit confusing to me. But not too confusing. Anyways, sorry for the lack of comment but I'm busy right now too. Plus, I'm going to try and finish my series. I also might write a few short stories. Bye for now.
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Kyle
11:35 pm | December 27, 2003
Nice job. 10/10.
welcome back, wado, and merry x-mas.
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CoLd BlooDed
10:23 pm | December 27, 2003
O yes Wado, if you would like could you join my first chapter in the SC called Spec. Ops. United? You could be a staff and stuff...
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CoLd BlooDed
8:35 pm | December 27, 2003
Thanks for explaining, that makes much more sense and I will continue reading your series.
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Wado
7:30 pm | December 27, 2003
*I will READ your story after I get back from stuff I have to do. I'm running late already.
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Wado
7:21 pm | December 27, 2003
Hey thanks for the comment CoLd BlooDed. I will your story after I get back from stuff I have to do. I'm running late already.
Sorry for any confusion. I try to have enough in each chapter so that even those that haven't read the rest of the series won't be too confused.
I'm glad you still liked it.
It would help if you read the rest of the stories by me but I know people don't always have the time or the want to do that. I will tell you that this is more than 900,000 years before Halo. This is the height of the Forerunner (called Praetorians in the story) Empire. There are few other nations that equal the Praetorians in technology, one is the Archons who use "magic" of nature and grow their ships, etc., another is the Nomdians that have powerful mental powers. There are a few others, but the majority of other races are servants to the Forerunners including humans who are mostly slaves and the Covenant races that we know from Halo.
I hope this helps with some of the confustion.
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CoLd BlooDed
7:00 pm | December 27, 2003
I liked it, but I got confused because I haven't read the other parts of this series like I said last time.
Great action! 10/10
Read my new series called Forced Betrayal if you can. :)
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